Sometimes I trip over my computer chord when I'm not paying attention. Sometimes I am not looking and step on one of my cats. I remember one time I was riding my bike as a child and I slammed into my brother. It was painful. I learned not to pay attention. I remember the day I was expelled out of the teaching program in college. My mind went blank. It was like having an out-of-body experience. I went numb at first, then the emotions of that 'reality' set in and I had to move on. I remember when I lost all my luggage during the summer of '96 and I became homeless for the first time in my entire life. I lost everything. It was a miserable time. My world collapsed. Everything I thought, felt, and believed to be true was not.
In physics there is a theory that says black holes are formed when there is a gravitational collapse of stars, especially heavy, dense stars. I don't know if that is true. I am not a scientist. But I've seen those stars falling and black holes being made all my life. And when things collapse, they really collapse. You are probably someone who understands how things collapse in your life and becomes a black hole that you enter. What's on the other side? That is the universe of your self-defined success and a story in progress.
In Egypt, Tunisia, Libya, Yemen and many other countries we are witnessing the collapse of centuries' oppressive governments and dictatorships. For the past 2 years in the US, we have seen the collapse of financial institutions, and networks that have resulted in massive lay-offs and shifts in personal and public lives. In Wisconsin and Ohio, we have seen large groups of people gathering together in protest of union cuts. Whether we view these changes as positive or negative is not as important as accepting the value of things collapsing for the emergence of new systems of ideas, beliefs, and feelings.
Are you someone who has it all put together? Or you pretend? I know I have been someone who acted as if I had it altogether when inside and outside things were falling apart. And I didn't want you to know they were falling apart because of the shame. And the shame meant pain and I didn't want to feel that kind of pain.
But in the end, either you change your reality or circumstances forces you to change. Relationships, health, money, career, and mostly, your idea of reality, your beliefs must change. But why would you want to change when things have been going good for you? Why would you want to change if you have everything you need? Why would you want to change if you believe your life is perfect?
And who am I to tell someone to change? What I know is that when our lives collapse, when the system of beliefs and ideas collapses, and fall, something in us is cracked and stirred like eggs cooked in a skillet of a new day. Sometimes I am not so grateful, and I forget the power of being alive, and I get lost in my own self-importance, money-making adventures, and hidden impulses. Suddenly, things collapse and I feel powerless, helpless, and old beliefs of blame, shame, and victimization resurface. But my inner self knows the wiser and better half.
Their lessons are not hidden and mysterious. Their messages are not coded. What I am ready to remember will make itself available when I am open, and ready. Often I ask myself, what will happen if I don't change? What will happen if I continue to believe what I am told? do as I am told? What will happen if I choose to curse myself and others silently? What will happen if I choose to run away?
We are stepping out of comfort zones, reaching out to people, learning new skills, developing new models of thinking, and living. As we collapse, we are seeing things we never seen before and doing things we have never done before. And though we may want to hold on to the 'good ole days,' it is important to remember that every moment and every day is an opportunity to create a new masterpiece for living.
Yes, things are screwed up in this world. Yes, there are some people with dark beliefs and ways. Yes, there is violence. Yes, there are some painful things beyond human imagination. But it is this very nastiness that we are evolving beyond; it is the collapse that we are rising from with speed.
In letting things collapse, a new awakening happens, a new power is born within the ego that perhaps believed otherwise. We are redeemed, saved by ourselves through recognizing our fears, our ignorance, our pain, and imperfections. And through this collapse we can remember to trust and have faith in ourselves again.
