Recently, I rented the movie Grownups starring Adam Sandler, Chris Rock, David Spade, and Kevin James. In the movie, the guys reunite after hearing about the death of their junior high school basketball coach. Though the movie is filled with humor and tender moments of friendship and family gathering, you get the sense that its message is more about how we change as they get older, lose touch with our youth, yet we can reclaim those days of youths even though we live among a different generation. We can face the future and all its changes with hope and optimism rather than with fear and cynicism.
How many of us adults have similar conversations with our family and friends? Or even our children? Co-workers? When you talk with them, do you talk about how things have changed since you were a child? Do you reminisce about the ‘good ole days’? So many people talk and write about the state of our youth but when they do, they speak in terms of ‘problems’ and labels using names such as “the dumbest generation” the “most miserable generation”, “laziest generation,” and the latest popular one: ‘the narcissistic generation.” How can expect them to be any different when we perceive them in this way?
I sense there is a belief underneath these conversations and labels that says there is something wrong with our children and things are getting worse. Here’s typical conversation: “Just look at our kids. Look at how they act, what they do with their time, and how they think and feel. They are out of control, and don’t care,” we say to ourselves and others. Are the children responsible for our pessimistic and cynical view of the future?
In 2010, Michigan State University professor Brent Donnellan published the results of a provocative study on youth from 1976-2006 and they concluded today’s young people aren’t ‘ego-driven’ as we believe they are. Donnellan also found today’s youth are no more cynical than earlier generations and that cynicism was true abroad; our young people have high educational goals and expectations; and the current generation is less fearful of social problems. The study found that today’s generation is no different than other generations: they want to find their place in the world, know who they are, and be happy. There is hope for the future after all and studies like this shed a different light on our stereotypes.
I’ve worked with youth for most of my life and I believe there is something missing in our private and public dialogue about today’s youth that follows Donnellan’s study: optimism. I am not speaking of a sentimental optimism that ignores the harsh realities that many of our children face in today’s world and will have to face after we are gone. I am not speaking of a utopian optimism either that echoes Kumbayesque communes. I am speaking of an amazing optimism that is based in a notion of practical idealism. By practical idealism, I mean engaging the world of youth in a way that reinforces our desire to learn, explore, and share in their creative growth process as much as our elders helped us in our personal growth and development. It means going beyond the facts and stereotypes and getting in the trenches with today’s young people.
For 20 years, I’ve spoken to over 10,000 students from every grade level in the public schools. I’ve learned in working with youth that they are naturally optimistic in their pursuit of a better life. They really do want to create a better life even if they appear pessimistic at times. They want to move forward and enjoy new successes. They want to be recognized for their efforts and rewarded for their labors. They want to find their own answers as they seek our support and wisdom. I choose to be an optimist because I’ve the seen the results created by these young people who are making a difference in their own lives.
Listening to their challenges, how they choose to overcome them, and watching them pursue their dreams has taught me how to be optimistic in a world of cynicism and pessimism. Their thoughts and visions reminds me that everyone wants to be fulfilled in some way and needs encouragement, support, and love no matter who they are and where they are from. Through teaching life skills, I believe our young people will grow up knowing there are tools and opportunities in the world to change their lives for the better no matter how tough their circumstances.
One of my heroes is Mattie Stepanek, the poet and peacemaker who died in 2004 at the age of 13. Though he suffered from Muscular Dystrophy all his life, Mattie proudly and courageously shared with the world his gift of words and visions of peace. In his poem, ‘Facing The Future,’ he wrote:
Every journey begins
With but a small step.
And every day is a chance
For a new, small step
In the right direction.
Just follow your Heartsong. journey begins
Our young people want to believe in a better tomorrow, share their visions of a positive future, and create a better world. Though they fall, cry, and fight along the way, they are learning, as we are learning, that each day is an opportunity for taking small steps towards the right direction. In facing our future, the youth, perhaps, we may learn to face something in ourselves. :)
