Death By Lethal Affection:
Reflections On Inner and Outer Beauty

I wasn’t going to write about Michael Jackson or Farrah Fawcett. And I still don’t feel I am mentally equipped to write about these public figures. And as I write, I still don’t know why but I feel I must write this to satisfy these intellectual urges I have to create a verbal painting.

I didn’t know them personally like most who adored or abhorred them. I was a spectator like many to their work and contribution to society. More Michael Jackson than Farrah, I admit. I didn’t watch Charlie’s Angels. Just a few times as kid. It was part of surfing the TV channels. It wasn’t a highlight of my evening-especially in the ghetto. But something has struck me since I heard about their deaths. I wanted to make a connection in some way between the transitions of these beloved American icons. That word ‘icon’ seems too limiting in a sense, flooding our memory with images of superhumans with incredible skills and talents, both in their youth and older years. Their lives, however, represented an idea that spun itself through years and like most icons for ages.

Farrah’s physical beauty graced the pages of magazines and screens of television. She represented the myth of Western female beauty, in many ways, and the desire for break-out roles that dispelled the trappings of such beauty. Her role as a Charlie’s Angel will be forever etched in the memory of television and modeling. She was America’s Top Model before Tyra Banks and the women you see on TV and magazines today. Farrah wanted to step out of being pigeonholed as a ‘angel', yet left memorable impression upon the world with her pin-up poster.

Farrah infused the country with the spirit of physical beauty and all the joy and accolades of fame that such possession can bring in Western society that values its power and attention. Her smile, hair, and figure played a significant role in shaping how women viewed themselves during the 70’s and 80’s. Little would Fawcett know the impact of her later years compared to the younger years. The striking images flashing upon the screen of her last days revealed a woman engaged in a different challenge than the professional world of acting and modeling. What emerged from the Farrah of later years was a woman encountering a deeper sense of beauty through confronting the courage of her soul. As an audience, we saw her last greatest act-emerging as a dying heroine of her own life.

Michael Jackson, one of the most beloved icons in the world, possessed an incredible sense of insecurity towards his physical looks. His skin, nose, and looks belied logic as his dance movements and great talent for song and art. Those gifts brought such beauty and joy to millions of people around the world. Without a stage, Michael was an oddity: shy, hidden, though targeted by the media for being bizarre and weird. His private world was a bubble he created for his protection, safety, and love for life, youth, and imagination. For most of his life, that bubble was a bulls-eye target for the paparazzi and one that has escalated after his death.

Michael, in his pursuit of creating beauty through art and his own life, felt estranged from his own body and sought to manipulate his physical beauty as he believed was God’s will. Even as he continued to create musical hits and wonders, he affected our sense of identity by his physical changes, unnatural as they were in the public mind. Even more he was affected by his response to the changes as much as to the world’s response to those changes.

Both Michael and Farrah understood the essence of Beauty and its power: Farrah’s outer beauty, Michaels’ inner beauty. They were recognized for their talents, and in later years challenged by the shadows those talents would bring. So often we hear of celebrity struggles and the pain they endured towards the end of their lives as though our collective expectation is for them to be beyond struggle or suffering. Well, they are not nor ever will be. Whether you are famous or not, wealthy or not, every soul seeks to grow on the spiritual path.

However, no matter what the world believed about Michael and Farrah, these were two souls who endured magical moments in their live and difficult times. Their worlds, though separate, crossed in an era of fallen angels and icons. So embraced by the world for their beauty, and battles, and so affected millions were and forever will be by the legacy of their work and troubled lives. But their journey continues in worlds beyond ours, as they see their lives filled the hearts of many with an infinite Beauty.

The Intensity of The Moment Part 2

Years ago I wrote an article for The Santa Fe Reporter entitled 'The Intensity of The Moments' and it was a look at the experience of being in a homeless shelter and having a homeless mother. I am no longer and neither is my mother I believe. She has come to terms with her troubled life and now reads The Word as her saving grace until her final days.

But there is another part that was untold. It was that even though I'd gone through such an intense experience and have had to endure the agony of thinking about my mother's situation, when I began to 're-enter' society, it was another phase of intense moments and experience. And it hasn't slowed down either. Things became wild after I gave up the streets. I began reading again, voraciously, that childhood passion resurfacing again. I began to work, a lot, a lot, and a lot! I began writing and speaking again. People came into my life and everything changed. Things got better. But I had greater lessons to learn and greater challenges to resolve.

I've only written about her in my journals which may be published someday. She was with me for 12 years. It was a beautiful and tragic love journey. We were both exhausted at the end. No longer could we continue fighting and breaking each other's hearts. Perhaps I need to write about it. Write about her. One day I will. For now I will thank her because she taught me the greatest lessons I've learned to this day.

I tried to contact her the other day after a year. She was still angry for the way I treated her. I understand. Maybe one day she will forgive me. Until then, I will light a candle for her and the benevolent creatures and moments we shared in another time-space. I am fine. Intense, yes, but fine with everything.

Just needed to write this today. Even if nobody reads it...

Can we communicate with the soul before birth?

Within the past 24 hours, I have been here at Los Alamos Medical Center witnessing the 'miracle' of birth. I have never been present at the physical birthing experience except my own so this is another historical moment for me. Last night, I began to notice, after listening to everyone speak, that we behave as though the soul of the child is not there. Also, we act as though the child has no choice. Now I know this may sound like an outrageous idea but I sense that we can communicate with the soul 'before' it is born. Now I use that word, hesistantly, because there is really no 'before' only now, so we can tune into the newborn's soul as it is entering new body. Is it possible to connect with the personality as it moves towards entry?

Last night, I tuned into the soul of the child several times. I picked up on the challenges this new child would face and for brief moments where it was positioned. I accept the idea that consciousness exists without a body, therefore, we communicate telepathically with soul without physical body. If we can communicate with a soul after it dies, why can't we do the same before it is born? Perhaps it has been lost in this culture, the idea of meeting soul even before it is born, but I wanted to acknowledge that we are waiting in this hospital room BECAUSE the soul chooses when it wants to enter, what time, and space.

Uh-huh!

Facing what you are

All my life I'd been running away from myself. As a child, I was highly sensitive,feminine in a male body, psychic, intuitive, yet strong, warrior-like in a short-statured frame. I was afraid of being myself in a world of endless rules, beliefs, concepts, and obligations. I thought something was wrong with me. Ashamed I was for being so different from others and never being able to express in words what I was thinking and feeling. So I was a quiet kid but this is not about my childhood, the past, all the wrongs, and rights of that time, no. This is about Now. This is about facing what I am...Now. In this present moment.

See we are different and yet we are all share the same thread of Life that continuously spins itself through infinite dimensions. So many souls in so many bodies. So many souls out of bodies. It is a beautiful beauty. And to have chosen to focus upon him-Maurice-that silly Space Cowboy riding this stallion of life through wonderful adventures is indeed quite a trip!

So facing what we are means exploring the psyche, our consciousness, allowing ourselves to travel down the white rabbit hole, and see where it goes. There we will experience a new language of life, consciousness, and self beyond our dead old ones.

Lovely to be me...for now.

Becoming what you already are

There are many who seek an answer to the question, What am I to do in this life? and they yearn for knowing what to do. What am I to do? What is there to do? What is my purpose in life? They read books, tapes, attend workshops, seminars searching endlessly for an answer. Or they engage in all sorts of activities as expressions of their doingness.

You are becoming what you already are. Your purpose is to Be that which you already are. Through being comes knowing and knowing allows you to create experiences based on your intent and awareness of yourself as a Self.

Do you want to know your Self? Look in the mirror. Touch yourself. Wiggle your hands. Pay attention to your Dreams. Listen to the winds. Meditate upon the stars.

You will never know your Self by imitating others, holding on to the Past, or even the Future. Knowing Self is standing in the Present moment of your Being.

Being yourself is exploring Aspects of consciousness in realms beyond present physical ones. You are indeed more than your physical body. You can perceive things beyond the physical world.

Let your Self become as you are being...

Tattoos For The Soul Pt.1

Tattoos represent the body as living art. In ancient times, tribes used tattoos as rites of passage, initiations, and other aspects of human experience. They are used in your modern society as announcements and displays of affections, emotions, and beliefs. Similar to marriage, tattoos are statements from the individual concerning the nature of personal reality.

In many ways, they are like caves of ancient times where man painted stories upon the walls, myths, legends, and codes that were passed on to future generations. The body art, or the body as art, whether pierced or painted, has been seen as cultural, religious, political, and spiritual ritual in many cultures. A living message board, tattoos shares with the world stages of life, the cycles of human life, its moments, joys, and sorrows, pain and pleasures, friends and enemies.

Even the smallest unnoticeable tattoos are symbols of a greater reality that is beyond the comprehension of human intellect. Tattoos are symbols, ideas represented by man’s ink, emotions captured through symbols. For instance, the tattoos for the dead are represented by name and symbols, memories, a living graveyard site, designed to honor the human personality and experience.

For many believe that they become more as a person with the imprint of tattoos, their consciousness is heightened by enduring pain, and a soul contract is made through the experience of tattooing. Tattoos are living reminders of what is sacred and important to the body consciousness.

Tattoos, I feel, are like the person who can only see out of one eye. They do not see the whole, only its parts, and relate to physical reality on the basis of their limited view of the soul. The soul endures many births and deaths, experiences, adventures that would shame many tattoo wearers. The soul is more than the physical body and nothing captures its totality. Therefore, tattoos become the outer ego’s attempt at broadcasting its life movie while others repeat ancient tribal customs. They become the outer manifestation of the myth of the human body and life.

Man has always sought to capture his stories through myths, legends, and fantasies. Tattoos are visual stories created to highlight the individual's mythical journey. And, yet man's soul is an ever-changing entity that cannot be captured by the limitations of ink.

Joseph Campbell and The Power of Myth

Recently I bought a copy of the bestseller The Power of Myth. It is an excellent interview with Joseph Campbell, one of the greatest thinkers in Western civilization. Campbell died in 1987 but his work lives on particularly in the Satars Wars episodes where he influenced George Lucas. Campbell is known for the famous saying, 'Follow Your Bliss' which has been misinterpreted by many spiritual seekers as the motto of the so-called New Age. In this famous interview, Campbell shares his thoughts and feelings about myths, modern society, and the need for myths in our world.

Campbell studied myths all his life and taught many students the power of myths in our daily lives. He believed society comes alive through myths as they did in ancient times. A civilization cannot survive without myths Campbell believed for they served the purpose of reminding us of the mysteries of life and the universe. They open us to a 'higher' realm of thought and feeling. Myths are reflected in all aspects of lives and Campbell wrote several books on the Western and Eastern mythologies and their similarities. He connected the dots between the gods of the East and the mythical gods of the West. He was the first to teach the world not just their history but how can live by myths.

Whether we are aware of it or not, modern myths still impact our world. Campbell described human life as the 'hero journey' and each person was embarked an adventure of life. Myths captured the power of the Hero Journey and we can see this today in our superhero movies where the hero discovers his abilities and is faced with challenges in learning about himself and facing a villain(s). That is why comic books and these kinds of movies are so popular as well as action movies. They are loosely based on myth or an attempt to create new myths. However, the damage lies within missing their deeper meaning and messages as so many people do.

Reality shows are a crude attempt at shaping our ideas of romantic love and the path of success. Who is my soul mate? How can I get the money? Do whatever it takes to win the man/woman's heart, win the Prize, even if it means humiliating yourself in front of people. These are all based on the myth of love and life whether viewers are aware of it not. That is why they are popular because they tap into our deeper aspects of human psyche. They remind audiences of The American Dream which is based on The American Myth of destiny, purpose, and success.

Campbell would not be surprised that so much has been lost in our modern world of myths, the youth and absence of myths in their lives, and the profound impact of corporate greed, the economy, and Barack Obama. He would speak about the collective desire for a hero, thus Obama's rise to presidency, and he would probably describe our current economy as a part of the collective hero adventure, its dark side, and slaying the monsters of fear, greed and dishonesty along the way. And, of course, he would point out that each individual is engaged in a living mythical journey filled with hope, joys, sorrows, obstacles, success, and failures. He would say that the power of myth is alive and present, yet hidden in our hearts and minds.

And I would thank him for that.