The Fox & the Goat

"A fox tumbled into a water tank and couldn’t get out. Eventually, along came a thirsty goat and, seeing the fox, asked him if the water was good. The fox jumped at the chance. He sang the praises of the water with all the eloquence at this command and urged the goat to come down. The goat was so thirsty that he went down without stopping to think and drank his fill. Then the two began to consider how they were to get up again.
‘I have a good idea,’ said the fox, ‘that is, if you are willing to do something to help us both. Be so kind as to place your forefeet against the wall, and hold your horns straight up. Then I can nip up, and pull you up too.’
The goat was glad enough to comply. The fox clambered nimbly over his haunches, shoulders, and horns, reached the edge of the tank, and began to make off. The goat complained that he had broken their pact. But the fox only came back to say, ‘You have more hairs in your beard than brains in your head, my friend. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have gone down into the tank without thinking how you were going to get up.’"

The fox is like so many people in this world who will do whatever it takes to get what they want. They don't care about your well-being. They will use tricky devices to lure you into situations that you believe that you can't get out of. They are sly, deceptive, and manipulative. At least they learned to be this way in the world. Most of our institutions are this way: the media is sly(FOX news), religions lie, doctors lie, pharmaceutical companies lie, parents lie, teachers lie, and so forth. Hay House bestselling author, and spiritual teacher Stuart Wilde in his audio CD set Journey Beyond Enlightenment says: "The only thing that's available is the lies." He made this statement out of the awareness all true knowledge is hidden. So the fox becomes important in this story on the journey of the goat. This fox we know in our lives has something valuable to teach us. The fox are the limiting beliefs that trap us on the journey in search for truth.

The goat is that part of us that believes in the lies of this world and complains about the lies that were told. He is the mind that asks questions because he doesn't believe his own answers. He is the mind that agrees to the illusion and promise of happiness and 'well'-being given by others. In our lives, we believe our partners when they tell us,"I love you." We believe authority figures who tell us they will make things better for us. We believe the media and advertisers who sell us products that persuade our thinking. We believe we can help the world because it will help us as well. We are thirsty for life and so we will do what it takes to save ourselves while we believe we are saving another.

How do you free yourself from being trapped in difficult circumstances? What methods do you use to escape from difficult situations?

Are you the fox who finds himself in a situation with others that is difficult and decide to manipulate others as part of the solution?

Or are you the goat who kindly offers to help others but find yourselves betrayed by your acts of kindness?

Are you willing to give up your freedom and awareness to satisfy your thirst?

Can you see how you can become trapped by living in survival mode?

Can you see how you allow yourself to believe the lies of others so you can get what you want while believing you are helping them get what they want?

When we don't trust our intuitions, we get stuck in circumstances that exacerbate our life challenges. We become a goat who is blind and falls for the trap in front of him or her. Or we live like a fox who believes we must lie our way through the trappings of life. When we believe what others are telling us, and take it as truth, we meet limitations.

I say if you're gonna be a goat, keep on moving. Tell the fox you will find water somewhere else. And you once you take care of yourself, tell him you will be back later with help!

The Power of Letting Things Collapse

Sometimes I trip over my computer chord when I'm not paying attention. Sometimes I am not looking and step on one of my cats. I remember one time I was riding my bike as a child and I slammed into my brother. It was painful. I learned not to pay attention. I remember the day I was expelled out of the teaching program in college. My mind went blank. It was like having an out-of-body experience. I went numb at first, then the emotions of that 'reality' set in and I had to move on. I remember when I lost all my luggage during the summer of '96 and I became homeless for the first time in my entire life. I lost everything. It was a miserable time. My world collapsed. Everything I thought, felt, and believed to be true was not.

In physics there is a theory that says black holes are formed when there is a gravitational collapse of stars, especially heavy, dense stars. I don't know if that is true. I am not a scientist. But I've seen those stars falling and black holes being made all my life. And when things collapse, they really collapse. You are probably someone who understands how things collapse in your life and becomes a black hole that you enter. What's on the other side? That is the universe of your self-defined success and a story in progress.

In Egypt, Tunisia, Libya, Yemen and many other countries we are witnessing the collapse of centuries' oppressive governments and dictatorships. For the past 2 years in the US, we have seen the collapse of financial institutions, and networks that have resulted in massive lay-offs and shifts in personal and public lives. In Wisconsin and Ohio, we have seen large groups of people gathering together in protest of union cuts. Whether we view these changes as positive or negative is not as important as accepting the value of things collapsing for the emergence of new systems of ideas, beliefs, and feelings.

Are you someone who has it all put together? Or you pretend? I know I have been someone who acted as if I had it altogether when inside and outside things were falling apart. And I didn't want you to know they were falling apart because of the shame. And the shame meant pain and I didn't want to feel that kind of pain.

But in the end, either you change your reality or circumstances forces you to change. Relationships, health, money, career, and mostly, your idea of reality, your beliefs must change. But why would you want to change when things have been going good for you? Why would you want to change if you have everything you need? Why would you want to change if you believe your life is perfect?

And who am I to tell someone to change? What I know is that when our lives collapse, when the system of beliefs and ideas collapses, and fall, something in us is cracked and stirred like eggs cooked in a skillet of a new day. Sometimes I am not so grateful, and I forget the power of being alive, and I get lost in my own self-importance, money-making adventures, and hidden impulses. Suddenly, things collapse and I feel powerless, helpless, and old beliefs of blame, shame, and victimization resurface. But my inner self knows the wiser and better half.

Their lessons are not hidden and mysterious. Their messages are not coded. What I am ready to remember will make itself available when I am open, and ready. Often I ask myself, what will happen if I don't change? What will happen if I continue to believe what I am told? do as I am told? What will happen if I choose to curse myself and others silently? What will happen if I choose to run away?

We are stepping out of comfort zones, reaching out to people, learning new skills, developing new models of thinking, and living. As we collapse, we are seeing things we never seen before and doing things we have never done before. And though we may want to hold on to the 'good ole days,' it is important to remember that every moment and every day is an opportunity to create a new masterpiece for living.

Yes, things are screwed up in this world. Yes, there are some people with dark beliefs and ways. Yes, there is violence. Yes, there are some painful things beyond human imagination. But it is this very nastiness that we are evolving beyond; it is the collapse that we are rising from with speed.

In letting things collapse, a new awakening happens, a new power is born within the ego that perhaps believed otherwise. We are redeemed, saved by ourselves through recognizing our fears, our ignorance, our pain, and imperfections. And through this collapse we can remember to trust and have faith in ourselves again.

The Positive Side of So-Called Negative Feelings

Sometimes I don't want to smile. But in a capitalist society, smiling is money. And it pays to smile. It's healthy to smile. It's healthy to think positive. And I will agree, being positive has its benefits like that new job you just got. So what about when you don't want to smile? when you don't feel like being positive?

Children are not allowed to express the full range of emotions as children. In schools, they are not allowed to cry and when they do, there is a feeling something is wrong. We are told as children 'don't cry' when we want to cry and this is where it started. Crying is seen as something negative, and so we are taught to stop crying. 'Big boys don't cry" and now there is 'big girls don't cry.' How many of us when we cry turn our heads away? Or run for tissue? There is a hidden belief in our world that there something bad about crying. They are also not allowed to be angry and seen as dangerous if they demonstrate less than academic cheerfulness.

The conspiracy against what we call negative feelings and thinking is rooted in a belief that showing anything less than positiveness is dangerous, evil, and bad. Our negative feelings must be locked up at all cost, we are taught, and even teach others. Religions and new age spiritualities have a belief that being spiritual means always being calm, cheerful, and showing our best face. I've learned that some of the most negative people can be the most spiritual as they preach a happiness philosophy and yet hide their shadows.

Am I telling you to go out and show your anger, sorrow, and anxiety? No. Each person deals with their feelings in ways that works for them. Maybe they express those negative feelings with a therapist, a family member, friends, strangers, pets, or just to themselves through some kind of creative arts, sports, etc. Don't you just want to vent sometimes? Let it all out? Don't you hate when somebody is telling you that you are being 'negative' or a 'downer'? If you are being negative ALL THE TIME, then it can definitely be a problem but if you are expressing a point of view, or something they perceive as negative, then that is not your problem-its theirs.

What I am speaking of is allowing ourselves to be fully human through expressing our emotions and moving beyond labeling them as positive and negative. We are meant to express our feelings and unfortunately we are programmed to believe that something is wrong with us if we express anything less than positive, anything critical, and anything that makes others uncomfortable. There is something uplifting, powerful, and deeply spiritual in crying, anger, and so-called negative feelings.

I don't want to bore you with my metaphysical ramblings but we are not here to be perfect by any means. We need a place to express our discomfort as we also search for places of peace and joy. We need a place for displaying all emotions and not just a few. We need relationships and a spirituality that embraces the total human and not part-time human. Could this be why we love sports, arts, music and how they allow us to express those emotions we cannot express at work, at home, or among well-meaning friends.

I cry a few times each month. Its good for me. I get the blues and I'm riding a river of tears. Then other times, I am angry-at myself, world events, people-but then I learn to let it go. The traumas of life is in not being able to express ourselves, our living energies. All life is expression. Whether we call our feelings positive or negative, we deserve to experience ourselves fully in the moment.

And now is the moment. Life is Now.

Living With A Loose Tooth Part 2: Creating A New Bridge of Beliefs

What do you do when a loose tooth has fallen? What do you do when the bridge has broken apart? That's what I asked myself when my loose tooth fell a few days ago and as I said in my last blog: the answer is simple. You create a new one. You fill in the gap...well, the gap is already filled by your decision to create a new identity, a new life, a new world, a new system. And that is what many of us are dealing with today.

But how do you do that? I will be the first to admit there is no right way, only YOUR WAY. So I can only speak from my experiences, examples, and ideas. There are loads of books, teachers, and materials to help you along your way, so what I offer are simple suggestions, with the intention of being playful, in both spirit, and practice. So have fun!!

Get out of a sheet of paper or journal if you keep one. Write the words "SHADOW TALK" at the top of the paper. Spend 5-10 minutes writing down the most negative and worst words, thoughts, feelings you have about yourself, others, and life in the language that you are familar with. When you are finished, read your list out loud. Try not the judge yourself when you do or the words that you use. You are simply noticing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs. You are allowing yourself to confront your darkest beliefs. Be gentle with yourself. And after you finish tell yourself: "I am not these thoughts. I am not my beliefs." Notice how your body feels after this exercise. Does it feel relaxed? relieved? still? energetic? Write down how you feel.

Keep the list of words, phrases, thoughts available so you record any changes in yourself and the results. Building new bridges takes time.

Take out another sheet of paper and do the opposite "LIGHT TALK". Write down the most positive, uplifting, inspirational words, thoughts, feelings about yourself. Read your list out loud. Notice how your body feels with this list. Write down how you feel.

Notice how you feel after doing these exercises. You are becoming aware of your thoughts and feelings but you are not attached to them. You are allowing yourself to express the unpleasant thoughts and feelings as much as the pleasant ones. Allow yourself to create a new bridge between the gap of your mind and body.

Creating a bridge of new beliefs involves a simple process of loosening the old beliefs that are not real, though you believe they are, and reconnecting. And when the old beliefs loosen, they will fall because that is what is they are meant to do. It is inevitable. Many years ago, I stood on top of that bridge, slept under the bridge, and left it to create a new place inside myself-one that speaks of a new strength, a new courage, and a new belief about myself in the world. Something tells me you are an explorer as well, of an unexplained, strange journey, who has fallen into that hole beneath the bridge, seen it, felt it, tasted it, and has worked valiantly to resurrect yourself at its crossing. I congratulate you.

At times I became mentally lazy, and so circumstances forced me to see the gap and make a decision. I resisted the yearnings of my inner self, denied it at times, and now I know that way can be painful. I wouldn't recommend it.

If a lot of this sounds familar to you, then good. So much of what we are learning requires repitition and practice.

So chop, chop! Let's get to diggin' again, and create a new wayyyyyyy!!!!!

Living With A Loose Tooth: Harnessing The Power of Intuitive Decision-Making

You can hardly see it but its there. You can hardly notice it but I know its there. A loose tooth. Yeah, lately, I've been walking around with a loose upper front tooth. And the tooth is not real. It's part of a bridge that I got 10 years ago and now the bridge is falling down. It's been quite a distraction that gets my attention every second now. I know I must make a decision: go to the dentist or continue living with the conscience of my dental vulnerabilities. If you are reading this, you can probably relate in some way.

It's interesting that my tooth has come loose at a 'time' where I'm shifting identities, morphing, moving into new realities. And part of that reality is attending graduate school, challenging myself, and facing more of the world 'out there'-a world I perceive as a bit spooky, scary at times, and yet beautiful, whole, and loving. If I open up to this world, will I be safe? That's been the question I've been asking myself most of my life.

But what does a loose tooth have to do with going back to school? My intuition tells me it has to do with making decisions. See, I've been struggling with making a decision to go back to school after 15 years and so it felt different yet familar to be sitting in a classroom this week with other students. Not that I haven't been in a classroom that long but experiencing the actual reality of my decision to be in a grad school program is a surprise after so many years of contemplation. Simultaneously, I'd been struggling with my teeth, going to dentists, peridontists, orthotondists, for cleanings, abcessed tooth removal, and even dental surgery over many years. Going back to school, going back to the dentist. Should I? Should I not? I've haven't been to the dentist in a while so now it is time to go. To set my school & dental record straight-once and for all.

Then I began to wonder: Is this the right next step? What is happening here? Its been a trip of dipping in and out of parallel worlds of serving food, serving youth, serving clients with intuitive readings, and serving myself doses of metaphysical, self-help wisdom and dreams that needed some real field testing. And so my life up to now has been this colorful adventure(not a safari one), enigmatic in ways that I'm still exploring, and learning about. It's a strange life of new beginnings and endings. Ins and outs. Drunken fights, sober nights. Reckless driving, constant striving.

Along the way, we make decisions in life, and these decisions can be made using our intuition. As we intuit our decisions, we grow in harnessing its power. I've always been a bit timid about making decisions, loose, and maybe weak in the eyes of others. Is it my upbringing? Lack of confidence? Feelings of powerlessness? I've learned, as an adult, my best decisions are now intuitive ones that feel right, good, and gives me the knowing that I am moving in the 'right direction.' Making intuitive decisions takes practice, like a martial artist catching a fly with chopsticks, but in the end there is accomplishment, self-realization, and a sort of inner peace. You feel something there inside of you quivering, and you are being drawn, pulled in a particular direction, that will lead you towards what you want.

A loose tooth is easy to fix once you make the decision to get it fixed. Would you rather live in constant fear and worry? Or would you rather give yourself the gift of a healthy smile? "Keep it simple," a friend once told me. In keeping it simple, there is something I remember. I know what to do: MAKE AN APPOINTMENT!

I am a Speaker. I enjoy speaking. I want to feel confident when I speak in front of people. And I want to have healthy-looking teeth while I do. So I can smile...MORE! :)

New Year's Reservations: Table for 2...011

Perhaps it's just me whose feeling strange about writing those numbers: 2011. It began with '2000' and it felt like the world needed to be seen flying in cars, and rotating rooms, and escalators in high-rise buildings. That's my Jetson cartooned imagination working itself overtime as I prepare myself for a new year and another journey of challenges. I don't do predictions and as for resolutions? Well, that's being resolved.

So what's left to say about 2010? It was a probable year. And by probable, I mean it didn't have to happen, but it did because I chose it. But I could have made other choices as well. Anyway.... It was a year of many ups & downs, highs & lows, hits & misses. It was the year I celebrated a Thankgivings birthday with a lot of wishes. It was the Year of the Tiger that added 7 cats to the household. It was the year that I was accepted into graduate school. It was the year of healing and dealing with changes in a world. It was the year I left my full-time job working with youth only to return as a contractor in the fall. That was one of the best feelings in the world. It was a year of more and more Facebooking and adding friends. It was a year of seeing & speaking to family & friends. It was a year of financial worries and meeting daily ends. It was a year of crop circle music dreams, lavender oils and fragrant creams. It was a year of leaks & spills, geeks & freaks, droids & pads, multiple births, and cheating dads.

It was a year of changing the channels in my life, creating my own network of dreams. Yeah, 2010 was a different kind of dish I ordered on the menu. It was difficult to swallow in the beginning but in the end it was the perfect meal.

And so I have reservations again for 2..011. But this time, can we have the sturdy table or a noiseless booth? Clean silverware with knives sharp as a razortooth? Can we get the section with soft earthly colors of browns, vanillas, and blues? And surround sound with wordless music like jazz or the blues? And the smells of homemade recipes, and exotic teas? Can we have the lights turned down a bit while I stare into her eyes as I sit? Can we also get the service this time with no hurry and pay our bill without the worry? Oh! Can we please get a peace of mind and enjoy our time?

Perhaps you will join me this year with trust and good cheer? I have prepared a wonderful occasion for us all. What will you order? Oh, what will it be? A different kind of meal, gourmet, elegant, a culinary fantasy? Or will it be the usual, your favorite, or the daily special? They have the 'create-your-own' entrees, and the best appetizers, but no superdeals or supersizers.

But you asked for something different? I know, I know but not toooo strange. Something that's magical & charming, yet a tiny bit re-arranged. Okay this may sound deranged and even insane. That's why I'm asking you to join me for a change.

Everything is paid for and everything you need is there. Are you ready to go? And do you even care? Maybe you do and maybe you don't. I will go regardless even if you won't. You have a whole new year to choose, and live as you please. I told the waiter you will be coming soon, but in the meantime, I will order a bottle of champagne and cheese!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2011!!!!

The American Fistbump : Thoughts On Living In Absurd Times

I don't who was the first person I did it with. I know it was with a guy not a woman. The fistbump. You know what it is. Its become an American way of communicating with everyone and everything. And it happened overnight. Even Obama and Michelle did it during the elections. But lately I've been growing weary and suspicious of my own conditioning and how I arrived at this place of 'fistbumping.' And thus, my feeling that I live in absurd times but that's only the surface.

"Reality." That word that has been exploited so easily by media entities and used to attract our attention these days. And 'they' have done an almost perfect job. Sort of. Is it me? Is it the aging? I don't think so. Even though I consider myself observant, there is much that I miss. And for good reason. There is a part of me that doesn't care. Or a lot of this stuff in our culture has nothing to do with me. And yet I can't seem to escape from it like the American Fistbump.

Call me boring. Call me too serious. Call me lame. But there is more to 'reality' than a TV show. I just think what's happening 'inside' of me is more interesting than what's out there but you won't see any cameras in my home. Too much peace, too much awareness, too much knowing here, and too many cats. Sorry.

And no, I'm not a hermit. I live around people. I don't live in the mountains. I work with kids. I enjoy going out to eat. I enjoy shopping. I enjoy hanging out. I go to the casino, and occasionally, that ominous place called 'the club.' And I enjoy having an occasional drink. My friends know me better. They know me as a thinker, a reader, a healer, a counselor, a writer, a coach, an actor, but above all else someone who revels and explores the unknown reality. That's just my nature. So I do love learning from others, hearing their ideas, and even supporting people in working through their life challenges. So I do get out and 'shop' for experiences, collecting psychic artifacts for my later reflections, and depositing my adventures into the bank of memory. I'm hip to the script, but slow to flow, and sink to think inside an ocean of silent dreamy.

It's how I survive these days-and maybe have always. I felt the absurdity of reality as a kid but I went along with it as children are taught. But adults can be scary to children and so kids learn to keep silent and hide their impulses, desires, and feelings until they get older, and remember their own authority. Well, at least I did. And now as an adult, I see the times have become even more absurd. And by absurd, I mean irrational, ridiculous, realities that can come from the human imagination.

What happened? How did our world become so absurd? And how can we survive these times? Maybe you are someone who lives a quiet life, free of drama, free of this absurd, yet you are a neighbor to others whose lives are chaotic, cluttered and filled with ridiculous excursions into self-aggrandizements and petty disturbances. Maybe you work with people and groups whom you perceive as engaged in the ridiculous cartoon of daily life and you are easy to flow with those kind of realities. Or maybe your life is a roller coast ride of exciting adventures, and explorations. Only you know...

For instance, in the schools, things are becoming crazy for our kids who are acting out anyway they can. I am witness to the things say to kids and my heart drops every time, these teacher police the children. I heard a male teacher threatened a female student, probably in 2nd or 3rd grade, and I was struck by the injustice. It was ridiculous. And part of me silently wished this teacher would get a taste of his own medicine. But I'm not too quick to interfere for I'm a visitor and not a staff member. And I don't want you to wait for superman. You know the fire drill.

But its not just the schools. It's the crap you see on TV and the Hollywood movies that I have realized have nothing to do with my daily world, here in small town Santa Fe. I saw a preview for a new romantic comedy with Ashton Kutcher and Natalie Portman and then it hit me: the stories of a lot of these movies have nothing to do with me. And then I got it. It wasn't just the movies that are out there and their subjects, I began to realize so much that's been shoved in my face have nothing to do with me: sports, religion, music, TV, movies, etc. And that brought an empty feeling. I was faced with my shadow: a reality of the absurd.

So where does that leave someone like me? How can I survive this kind of reality? Let me share with you what works for me...

1. Accept your reality as valid. Your life is valid as much as Kim Kardashian, Oprah Winfrey, and Will Smith. Even if you are waiting tables, sweeping poop off the floor, or sitting at home like a bum, your life is important.

2. Don't let yourself get stuck with labels. Even though I call it 'absurd' I know it has a purpose. It has been put in front of me for a reason. It's a part of my belief system and beliefs are not facts. I can change my ideas tomorrow. And that's refreshing.

3. Turn it off.-for now. I'm not advocating any resistance to the absurd as much as noticing it. What's important is your world AND the world of co-creation. The greatest invention is the Remote Control and that includes my own mind, the original RC. Changing our thoughts is changing the channel in our minds. You can always make a nostalgic return.

4. Your life is its own reality show. Being hip doesn't mean just knowing the latest news/fads/gossip times but being hip to your inner self is just as cool as being hip to what's 'out there.' Your inner world of dreams, thoughts, and desire has as much value as the news, knowledge, and information of AOL, CNN, and all the news networks combined.

5. Use the absurdity of our times as focal points of heightened awareness. What this means is this: an absurd world is meant to be a reference point for learning about ourselves but it is not the end of times as much as an awakening to the times. It's a peculiar way for mankind to shift into another gear of spiritual growth & development. It's the quickening where billions of people have the greatest opportunity for accelerated growth and development through witnessing multiple life experiences and challenges.

Ask yourself this: In what ways are some of the things in your life absurd? Your community? Workplace? Relationships? How can use the energy of the absurd to align yourself in rapid changing times?

The fistbump is here today. Gone tomorrow. So what's absurd in many ways has become a way of life. Then on to the 'next best thing'.

Maybe tomorrow we will greet each other with "The Knuckle Pop." Who knows? You decide...