During those times, I wondered if there was a way, somehow, that I could I be happy and joyful no matter what. What are the things that make my life worthwhile? I wondered if I could be happy in spite of rejection, ridicule and even resistance. I heard those words “happiness“, “joy“, “pleasure“, “freedom” used by so many people but I still did not know what they meant. I would watch a movie where ‘they live happily ever’ or listen to a self-help tape and feel the hope of a new day and life, yet walk outside my door, catch a city bus, and feel sadness, disgust, depression as I look into people’s faces. I would pick up my favorite book and smile reading the words of spiritual wisdom, yet wonder still why I felt empty, desperate, yearning for this dream I have of a better life.
The notion of my life as a victim whose journey in the world is struggle and prejudice being reinforced every day through countless voices, movies, books, articles, teachers, news reports did not offer hope and inspiration. How could I be happy if I saw myself as a victim of history? How could I be happy if my victimization was reinforced constantly through the mouths of strangers? If the workplace was a battlefield of prejudice and discrimination, then how could I be happy? And if my family is dysfunctional, then how could I be happy in relationships? And if the community is constantly fighting the system and each other, then how could I be really happy in the community? And if I was seen as a threat and menace to society, then how could I be happy in the world? What if I decided to be happy no matter and create the life I wanted in spite of the history of slavery? What if I decided to give up fighting against others and live the life I desire? I didn’t know but perhaps finding an answer to these questions would be the biggest risk I have ever had to take in my life.
No comments:
Post a Comment